Kirsty Bennett is a Maternity Nurse and Postpartum Night Nanny with a deep passion for supporting families in the early days of parenthood. She is dedicated to providing evidence-based, gentle and responsive care. Combining years of hands-on experience and a desire to cut through outdated advice and unrealistic expectations of motherhood, she wrote her book, The Case For Cuddles, to empower parents to trust their instincts, use their intuition, embrace connection and navigate the postpartum period with confidence and compassion. Here she talks to The Natural Parent Magazine about the inspiration behind her book, the challenges she has overcome, and her hopes and dreams for the future.
The passion: What inspired you to write this book?
In 2020, a very dear friend of mine had questions about breastfeeding. She was pregnant with her first baby and wanted to learn as much as she could ahead of her birth. As a Maternity Nurse, it is my passion to support families in attaining their feeding goals. I decided to write her a list of my top tips for getting breastfeeding off to a good start. That list eventually spiralled into 117 pages, which is when I realised this was going to be a book!
Later that year, I had another very dear person ask me about safe sleep. Her family had experienced a SIDS tragedy and they were pregnant. I wanted to pull everything I know about infant sleep into one resource for her so that she could be as informed as possible. This mum-to-be was honestly stunned when I brought up co-sleeping, but co-sleeping is the biological norm – it is how families have slept around the world for millennia.
There are aspects of modern life that mean that it is genuinely unsafe for a percentage of families. However, adhering to the current guidelines, known as The Safe Sleep Seven, means that co-sleeping with your baby is no riskier than having your baby sleep alone. This is big news for tired parents who are sleep deprived and want to assess their options.
Around this time, I read Why Postnatal Depression Matters by Mia Scotland, and I was appalled to learn that “Women are more likely to die from suicide than any other birth-related complication”. How could this be? Unfortunately, there are numerous reasons for this. New parents are navigating the postpartum period without the support of the communities we evolved to be a part of. They are expected to maintain multiple areas of their lives while learning to care for a newborn 24/7.
New parents are bombarded with unrealistically gorgeous images and reels on social media while being warned not to make a rod for their own back by holding their babies too much. They are given outdated books with rigid schedules and unrealistic promises. They have to have the baby sleeping through the night before maternity leave is up. And be thin.
I wrote The Case For Cuddles because I want to interrupt the noise and the nonsense. I want to empower parents to trust in their instincts and listen to their intuition. This is not a book telling parents what to do or how to do it, because the truth is that there is no one “right” way to parent. By trusting yourself and holding your baby close, you will find what is “right” for you.
The launch: How did you start out in the beginning?
While I have been working with children since I was a teenager (being 14 was the only qualification required for being a babysitter back then!), it wasn’t until 2013 that I really discovered my passion for working with babies. I had worked with several families as a Nanny for preschoolers and school-age children, but when I got a job working as a Mothers Help caring for nine-month-old twins, I was hooked!
I wanted to specialise in working with babies and I began looking for a training course. That’s when I discovered Babyem, a course provider who train Maternity Nurses. I found their approach to evidence-based, gentle and responsive care so refreshing!
Babyem opened me up to a whole new way of thinking. I realised that most of what I thought I knew about babies (granted that wasn’t much at this point) was based on outdated opinions and ideas that (unfortunately) permeate much of today’s baby-rearing advice. Once I had completed the course and began working with new parents, I began to see in real time the immense impact that gentle, evidence-based care has on both babies and their parents. I also saw how detrimental outdated advice can be for families, from sabotaging long-hoped-for feeding experiences to triggering postnatal depression.
Babyem was my springboard into this field, and I have never really stopped studying since. There are so many excellent minds contributing to improving maternity for new families globally. My plan was to create a resource for parents that is a collection of wisdom drawn from outstanding individuals that every family should have access to, with signposts to their invaluable work. This includes International Board Certified Lactation Consultants, Holistic Sleep Coaches, Neuroscientists, Doulas, Clinical Psychologists, Pediatricians, Medical Historians, Anthropologists and Midwives.
It has taken me three years to write The Case For Cuddles. I predominantly work as a Postpartum Night Nanny, but writing when sleep deprived can be a challenge! Whenever I managed to set aside time to write, I was completely absorbed. I went part time and took breaks between jobs so that I could focus, often writing between 15-20 hours a day. I am very lucky to have a partner who is tech-savvy: he helped me design the cover and format the pages. I was absolutely delighted when Trudi Dawson, Director of Doula UK, agreed to read the book and write the foreword. After all that work, holding a physical copy for the first time felt pretty amazing!
The innovation: What was the biggest breakthrough for you with your business?
Honestly, there is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you see a new parent succeed in overcoming obstacles and achieving their goals. Sometimes, that’s finding solutions to making a sleeping situation more manageable; other times, it’s working through a feeding problem. Being able to witness these moments and be a part of the support network is a real privilege.
Before writing The Case For Cuddles, I was able to support a couple of families at a time. Now that it is published and out in the world, it can be a resource for any number of families. I absolutely love hearing feedback from new parents. This ranges from feeling informed in the face of unsolicited advice to let their babies cry, to messages about overcoming feeding challenges. Just last week, I received the most beautiful message from a new mum in Australia who found the information she needed in the chapter Milks Methods & Misconceptions to breastfeed her newborn comfortably. These are the breakthroughs that I get really excited about!