Of Course a New Study Shows Moms Are in a Mental Health Crisis

One night, just five weeks postpartum, I sank to my kitchen floor, sobbing as I heard the muffled cries of my newborn son echoing from the nursery.

My husband was in the room with him, pacing back and forth in an attempt to soothe our baby to sleep. My son cried a lot in those first few months. Every whimper was a reminder that I was failing as a mom. What was wrong with me that I couldn’t make my baby happy, or soak up every moment with my squishy newborn?

Embarrassed that I couldn’t achieve the “newborn bliss” that I’d heard so much about, I isolated myself and rejected nearly all forms of support in an attempt to prove to myself that I was fine, even happy (like I thought I should be).

It wasn’t until my friends started having babies of their own months later that I realized having bad mental health postpartum was more a feature of the phase than a personal flaw. Between the hormone crash, isolation, rapid identity shift and lack of support, it’s no wonder that moms are struggling.

Now, a new study published in JAMA Internal Medicine confirms how hard modern motherhood really is: There’s been a 64% increase in the number of moms who report they’re struggling with fair or poor mental health now, compared to 10 years ago.

“This study supports what I am seeing in my everyday clinical practice and what moms are experiencing every day in their lives,” says Nicole Taylor, M.D., a perinatal psychiatrist and What to Expect Medical Review Board member. “Motherhood is hard, and it is taking a toll on our mental and physical health.” 

This new research can help spread awareness around the realities new moms face every day: As much as a new mom will feel joy and love while caring for her newborn, she will struggle with her mental health.

Of course moms are struggling with their mental health

The number of mothers reporting excellent mental health has dropped from 38% to 26% in less than a decade, according to the JAMA report, which looked at nearly 200,000 moms of kids from 0 to 17. And more moms are rating their mental health as “fair” (compared to excellent, very good, good and poor) than did nearly 10 years ago.

While this study is based on all moms with younger children, it got me thinking — if moms in every stage are struggling, new moms must be hanging on by a thread.

Just imagine this scenario: You just got your dream job. You’re so excited and a little nervous, preparing as much as you can for the first day. Then, once you clock in, your boss is extremely demanding, screaming when he doesn’t get what he wants. The work is physically and emotionally draining, but you don’t get any time off. Your shift continues overnight and on weekends. And yes, lives are at stake if you fail. When you turn to your colleagues for support, they tell you how happy you should feel to be here. 

Maybe you’d try to stick it out for a few weeks. But more likely, you’d decide this wasn’t your dream job after all and put in your resignation. Motherhood, however, doesn’t come with an HR department. There are great moments to being a new mom, of course, but in the hardest ones, we are left to struggle under the weight of our new responsibilities and identity. 

It’s time to normalize the struggle 

When we acknowledge the unforgiving working conditions of new motherhood and the logical mental health challenges that come as a result, we give new moms something incredibly valuable: validation that their experience is normal — expected even. 

And we open the door for moms to feel comfortable asking for the support they need. This is key since 75% of WTE moms don’t feel like they have support, according to a What to Expect survey.  

“Talking openly about these challenges reduces the stigma, normalizes the experience for moms who are struggling so that they know they are not alone and opens up the conversation about resources and support,” says Dr. Taylor. “It can also let moms know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that they can and will get better.” 

I was afraid to admit that motherhood wasn’t coming naturally to me. I thought there was something wrong with me and that everyone else was better at being a mom. I didn’t want to ask for help from family and friends because that would prove to everyone around me that I, in fact, did not have everything “figured out.” And I didn’t even know where to start with finding paid help.

“Many women don’t know that help is available,” says Dr. Taylor. “Not to mention, when you’re in the throes of newborn life, it’s easy to think things will just get better on their own.” 

None of the mental health questionnaires showed that anything was wrong with my mental health, so I was never offered interventions. At one point, I was given a standard list of therapy providers, many of whom weren’t accepting new patients or didn’t take my insurance.

“It’s important that primary care providers, pediatricians, and ob/gyns receive additional education and training about how to recognize and treat these symptoms, plus how to connect their patients to other moms going through the same thing,” says Dr. Taylor.

She hopes that studies like this new one, published in JAMA, will increase awareness of the problem and ultimately drive funding and legislative changes so every mom can have access to help. 

But even if mental healthcare and paid leave were suddenly accessible to every mom, I’m not convinced that it would completely resolve the growing pains of new motherhood. 

I had paid leave, health insurance and childcare I could afford — yet I still struggled. My hope is that if we can validate the postpartum experience and give moms accessible coping skills and support, then we can make this transition just a little easier.

In many ways, that breakdown on my kitchen floor was a turning point. I realized that I was trying to do too much and putting myself last. I made small lifestyle changes that slowly but surely helped me come out of the postpartum slump.

Here’s what worked for me, and now I recommend this advice to my new mom friends when they inevitably text me after their kitchen floor moment:

1. Make daily walks mandatory: As soon as you are physically able, strap that baby into a carrier or stroller and get outside. The fresh air and movement are an incredible antidote. Better yet? Walk and talk with a friend or family member. I went on these walks regardless of how cranky my baby was or how little sleep I had gotten the night before, and it always reduced my stress and gave me an energy boost (which I desperately needed).

2. Invite people over: I get it – you’re tired, have dirty hair and haven’t changed your pants in three days. But being around other adults after you have a baby is so important. And once they are there, pass them your baby and enjoy a hot shower! Even when I dreaded being social, time with my favorite people always gave me a mood boost and made me feel just a little more like “me.” 

3. Get out in public with your baby: Start with a drive-thru or grocery pick-up. As you start feeling up to it, pop into a restaurant or clothing store. Being out in the world builds your confidence that you will be able to do things you want to do with your baby in tow, rather than feeling trapped at home in this new life. While my first adventure was just a Starbucks run, I gradually worked my way up to all of my favorite activities. 

4. Prioritize the pre-mom “you.” Make sure to do at least one thing that feels familiar to your old lifestyle. Put on some makeup (even if you have nowhere to go), grab a latte or even mop your kitchen floor if that makes you happy. Consider what makes you feel most like yourself — for me, this was washing dishes while catching up on my favorite show (something I always did pre-baby). Incorporating even one of these activities can be grounding when everything else feels rocky.

Now, this isn’t an all-inclusive list, nor is it the solution to true postpartum mood disorders. If you are experiencing intense feelings of sadness or anxiety, including thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, please contact your ob/gyn or visit the emergency room for immediate help.

Health organizations can also be a great resource since they offer free information and hotlines to call in case you need to talk with someone:

New motherhood is hard, just like starting any new job is hard. By validating these challenges, we can create a reality where more new parents feel seen and supported, willing to speak up and ask for help. You’re not alone in struggling with your mental health as a new mom, and it’s high time we all acknowledged it.

Motherhood Matrix Study Methodology

What to Expect surveyed 3,232 women in October 2022 for its Motherhood Matrix Study. Respondents were U.S. women, age 18-54 who were either pregnant or have a child 0 to 8 years old.