Author Upasna Barath thinks of relationships as unique recipes, and considers timing to be one of the key ingredients. In her debut novel, Comedic Timing, she set an unexpected connection against the backdrop of New York. The book is filled with all the anxieties, conflicts and identity crises that come with dating in your mid-twenties, but it’s ultimately a story of romance and friendship. For the No Ordinary Love anthology, Barath once again tackled a complicated New York love story, partnering with a real couple: Tyla and Jerome. No Ordinary Love is the second part of an anthology of modern romantic prose, challenging love story tropes and clichéd narratives by celebrating the differing perspectives and unexpected plot twists of real love. It features the stories of five real couples who met on Hinge, written by five fresh literary voices: Hunter Harris, Tomasz Jedrowski, Jen Winston, Upasna Barath and William Rayfet Hunter.
You can read Tyla and Jerome’s story now at no-ordinary-love.co. Ahead of the release, we spoke with Barath about the alchemic timing of love, New York as a city of romantic limitlessness, the underrated miracle of matching on Hinge and other lessons from working with a real couple throughout this process. Inspired by the story, we also asked the question: Will what’s right for you always find you?
What’s a love story you wish you wrote and why?
Upasna Barath: I really do wish I had written One Day by David Nicholls because I have a very interesting relationship with time, which does play a big role in Tyla and Jerome’s story. To be in a relationship with someone, you not only need chemistry and luck on your side, but you also need time. One Day does a good job of compressing an entire lifetime into a book. As you’re reading it, you are experiencing this lifetime. Only through all of the challenges the couple in the book faces, can you understand why all of that had to happen for them to come together. It’s a really good use of verisimilitude, because that’s just how real life works. Oftentimes, we consume romance like it’s junk food, but the real romance is slow, boring and sometimes, painful.
That’s a good one. The popular saying “What’s right for you will find you” is in this story. How big of a role do you think this right timing plays in romance?
Upasna Barath: I think it’s actually the biggest thing. It’s paying attention to the right moment and surrendering to it or trusting that if you meet someone and for some reason you can’t be together, the timing will work itself out. Whether that means you find someone else or come back to this person, there’s a big mystical element to romance. There’s a lot of alchemy, some effort, some luck and some interest in finding a partner.
Oftentimes, we consume romance like it’s junk food, but the real romance is slow, boring and sometimes, painful
This isn’t your first time writing about love. Did starting with a real couple change your approach?
Upasna Barath: What’s really crazy is that it actually didn’t change anything. When I was writing Comedic Timing, I was thinking about romance from that realistic perspective. I was considering romance tropes for sure because one of the target audiences of the book was people who love the genre. But I was also thinking about how the story could be a tool for people to use as they go about their dating lives and approach romance. I just used that same approach with Tyla and Jerome because they had a really imperfect coming together. I allowed that imperfection to be the thing that everything else orbited around.
Is that why you included their pause or dating detox? In the story, Jerome needs a break from dating, and Tyla is feeling sceptical about relationships.
Upasna Barath: For me, that period of boredom for Jerome is set against Tyla’s whirlwind relationships and situationships. Jerome was still, and that was important to focus on because it’s what allowed everything that mattered to Jerome to come to the surface – what led him to Tyla. A lot of the conversations we hear around dating are that it’s a numbers game. But Jerome’s approach is so interesting because instead of binging on relationships, he took a step back and he sat with himself. That stillness allowed him to take relationships beyond the surface level.
It’s also not your first time writing about New York. Do you think dating in a city like New York adds a special perspective to a love story? If so, how do you explore this in your work and through Tyla and Jerome?
Upasna Barath: In my work in general, I’m very antagonistic towards the rhetoric about New York dating. I know it’s really hard to date here for women who date men. There are obviously more women than men, so it feels like there’s a scarcity thing. Then, for straight men, there’s an abundance mindset that’s really antagonistic. I think anecdotally all of these things could be true, but the fact is we’re not God. There are no rules, and we only operate from what we believe. I want to preserve the idea of New York being a place for expansion and opportunity and romance is such a beautiful medium to explore that limitlessness. In Comedic Timing, it was so easy for Naina to meet someone. It’s easy for us to meet anyone when we have chemistry with that person. Tyla and Jerome met on an app. Hinge brought them together, and they’re together now, but it was an internal struggle that ultimately kept them apart, not New York.
I’m more motivated to make the first move and not be afraid that it will backfire, because if it does, that wasn’t the right person anyway
The story showcases two people’s perspectives in the same dating process. How did you get into the heads of both Tyla and Jerome?
Upasna Barath: I feel like I have been both Tyla and Jerome. In a way, there’s an empathy aspect, but also just the humanist aspect of shared or collective consciousness, because they represent two different approaches to dating. In Tyla’s case, she’s a little more restless, excited and curious. She’s a people person. Jerome is shyer and reserved. I’ve been in a place where I’ve been more restless. I love meeting new people and following that instinct. There’s a side of it where you are loving people and maybe distracting yourself, and sometimes it works out for the best: Tyla was the one constantly reaching out to Jerome and putting herself out there. But there’s also that stillness again, where you also have to take a step back and question how you can be more intentional in dating. I pulled from my own experience with that duality because that duality exists in all of us.
Did your own perspective change at all on Tyla & Jerome’s relationship story or timeline throughout the process? If so, how?
Upasna Barath: I was paying attention to my own biases and judgments on what is the ‘right approach’ or ‘wrong approach’. This was something I realised in talking to them for the first time. I could already have my thoughts firing up on if Jerome should have made more of an effort with Tyla because he was the one to ask for the break. Once I pulled back from that projection of myself onto them, I started to see it for what it is. I may think there are morally right and wrong approaches to dating, but each relationship is so unique. You can’t make a judgment because the way it happened is what brought them together. It’s like its own recipe; it can’t be emulated or replicated.
I like that. So, what makes a digital connection a compelling starting point for a story?
Upasna Barath: It’s compelling because you’re taking someone from 2D into 3D. Anything could happen. There’s something so strange about how a person is in your phone as a photo, and then they appear in front of you in a place of your choosing. Alternatively, one could say that a chance encounter is compelling or a meet-cute is compelling, but to match with someone to like actively choose a person and for them to choose you back is already so amazing. It’s something I think we take for granted with dating. We’ve moved past the fact that it’s kind of a miracle just to have that on your phone.
Did you learn anything new about your approach to relationships while writing Tyla and Jerome’s story?
Upasna Barath: I learned that, as a woman, if you are pursuing a man, there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself out there or showing interest. Previously, I’ve always felt like putting a bit more effort in was too vulnerable or not feminist. Seeing how open Tyla was with her heart was really inspiring to me because Jerome didn’t judge her for it or think less of her because of it: he appreciated it. At the end of the day, they were seeing each other. Now, I’m more motivated to make the first move and not be afraid that it will backfire, because if it does, that wasn’t the right person anyway.