The holidays are here, which means the school asks are… relentless. Spirit weeks! Pajama days! Food drives! Secret Santas! Tinsel! Glitter! A classroom signup sheet that somehow fills up your inbox and your nightmares at the same time!
And one mom on TikTok has hit her limit.
In a viral video, @heyempoweredmama shared that she’s taking a hard pass on every single holiday volunteer request this year: donations, classroom parties, field trips, all of it.
“It’s that time of year where my kid’s school asked for a million things of parents,” she says.
“And this year I decided that I was just gonna say ‘no,’ like, we’re just not doing any of it. The donations, the drives, the volunteers for parties or field trips, it’s just, it’s a no.”
She explains that as someone who struggled with high-functioning anxiety in 2025, the mental load of even “one more thing” has pushed her past capacity.
“I have been struggling. And this is something that I decided … because it feels like another thing I have to put on my to-do list and take on the mental load for. And I just don’t have the capacity to do it.”
@heyempoweredmama This is one way im reducing the mental load as a mom of 4 navigating high functioning anxiety. Maybe this will help you too!
♬ original sound – heyempoweredmama
She adds that she’s juggling multiple kids with birthdays this season on top of the holidays, making the emotional + logistical load feel even heavier.
But here’s the part that made some parents gasp and others quietly exhale:
“And you know what? It’s okay. You’re not gonna let your kids down. You’re not gonna let the school down. There are other parents that want to step up and want to be able to do these things.”
And TikTok had… thoughts.
Some commenters, many of them teachers, pushed back hard.
“I am the room parent for my son’s class….other parents don’t step up, period. Everyone has the mindset that someone else will do it.” – Jenna on TiKTok
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A teacher added: “Don’t worry, teachers like me are accustomed to picking up the slack and working even more (unpaid) when we don’t get enough parental support because WE don’t want to let our kids in our classroom down. 👍🏻” – its.alli on TikTok
The original poster replied with empathy and honesty:
“I get that and am sorry for that journey. I am actively working on healing my anxiety so I can be there for my kids in our own 4 walls!”
Others rushed to her defense, acknowledging the pressure cooker that is December parenting:
“This is one of the reasons I don’t LOOOOVE the holidays the way others do. It’s like two months of chores.”
“It’s ok to prioritize our mental health. She doesn’t deserve the guilt trip here.”
Eventually, @heyempoweredmama doubled down in a follow-up video, arguing that the system itself—parents, teachers, schools—is stretched so thin that no amount of parental hustle can fix it.
“I think that we have come to a point where we are doing too much in our kids’ classroom… maybe the issue is that we’re doing too much and everyone is burnt out and everyone is taking on too much of this mental load.”
She recalled her kids’ old private school where they did zero holiday classroom parties beyond one fun end-of-year day:
“There was an overwhelming response to that being positive.”
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What’s actually happening during this “holiday overload” moment
Every year, some version of this conversation goes viral. And when you strip away the comments, the hot takes, and the “well I would never,” what’s left is something incredibly familiar to moms everywhere:
The mental load of school + holidays is enormous.
November and December often look like this:
- Two spirit weeks
- A canned food drive
- A coat drive
- A toy drive
- A classroom holiday party
- A teacher wishlist
- A teacher gift
- A PTA fundraiser
- A themed dress-up day (or three)
- A concert where your kid must wear dark jeans that do NOT currently exist in your home
Add working full-time (or caregiving full-time), running a household, managing family holidays, and trying to keep kids regulated through all the excitement…and yes, even “send a box of tissues” can feel like a spinning plate you just cannot keep in the air.
Research consistently shows mothers carry the majority of school-related labor—emotional, logistical, and invisible. During the holidays, that load doesn’t just grow; it multiplies.
Meanwhile, teachers are exhausted too
A lot of the teacher frustration in the comments comes from burnout—not judgment.
Many teachers:
- pay out of pocket for classroom needs
- organize events with zero budget
- run parties without enough volunteers
- stay late to compensate for gaps
- parent their own kids while caring for ours
We’re watching two groups (parents and teachers) both underwater, both stretched beyond their limits, and both wishing someone else could step in.
And that’s the real issue.
Our current school system depends on unpaid labor to make “special” happen
Classroom celebrations rarely have funding behind them. What looks like tradition is often held together by:
- parents’ donated money
- parents’ donated time
- teachers’ unpaid labor
- room parents’ emotional bandwidth
If either group burns out, the system wobbles. When everyone is exhausted, the system collapses into finger-pointing:
Parents say: “We can’t keep doing everything.”
Teachers say: “We can’t either.”
And they’re both right.
So what does support look like when you truly have no capacity?
This is the heart of the Motherly angle:
Support doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. It can be kinder. Smaller. More realistic.
A few options that help without overwhelming:
- Send a low-cost classroom need (tissues, wipes, pretzels, dry erase markers)
- Pick one contribution per season and let that be enough
- Donate a small dollar amount instead of time
- Ask the teacher: “What’s your highest-need item? We can do just that.”
- Or if you cannot contribute at all: send a note of gratitude
And on the parent-mental-health side, boundaries can sound like:
- “We can’t contribute this time, but we’ll watch for future needs.”
- “We can help with one small thing—what would be most useful?”
- “This season is overwhelming; thank you for understanding.”
Sometimes naming your bandwidth is a form of support.
Maybe the real answer isn’t more effort. It’s fewer asks.
This is where the OP actually makes a powerful point:
Kids don’t need six classroom parties to feel the magic of the season.
Simple is sustainable.
Simple is equitable.
Simple leaves room for teachers to breathe and parents to show up in the ways they can, without burning out.
The gift kids remember most? A calm, present adult.
Not the themed snack. Not the homemade centerpiece for the class table. Not the color-coordinated donation bag.
What matters is:
- a parent who isn’t running on fumes
- a teacher who isn’t stretched to breaking
- a child who feels held by the adults around them
Protecting your capacity isn’t selfish. It’s sustainable. It’s wise. It models boundaries. And it honors the reality that none of us—parents or teachers—can carry the mental load of the holiday season alone.
And if all you can do this year is keep your household afloat?
That’s more than enough.