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Cyberbullying is one of those hot topics you think you’re prepared for until it happens to your child. Many parents know to look out for some of the big signs their kid is getting harassed online — like receiving threatening messages — but a new study shows that even more “subtle” forms of cyberbullying can have a lasting impact on your teens.
New research by Florida Atlantic University (FAU) in collaboration with the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire surveyed a nationally representative sample of over 2,600 middle and high school students aged 13-17 in the U.S. about the effects of 18 different types of cyberbullying on post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This includes being left out of online group chats, impersonating someone else via fake social media accounts, and tracking or stalking someone after being told to stop among others. They found that every single type of cyberbullying, no matter how subtle or severe, was linked to PTSD.
“As our research clearly shows, cyberbullying in any form – whether it’s exclusion from a group chat or direct threats – can lead to significant trauma in youth,” Sameer Hinduja, Ph.D., lead author, a professor in the School of Criminology and Criminal Justice within FAU’s College of Social Work and Criminal Justice, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center, and a faculty associate at the Berkman Klein Center at Harvard University, said in a statement.
Dr. Hinduja added, “We were surprised to find that no single type of cyberbullying caused more harm than others; all carried a similar risk of traumatic outcomes. This means we can’t afford to dismiss or trivialize certain behaviors as ‘less serious’ – being left out or targeted by rumors can be just as detrimental as more overt attacks.”
The study also found that 87% of teens experienced at least one of the 18 forms of cyberbullying, with indirect forms like being the target of mean or hurtful comments or rumors, or being deliberately excluded from group chats or texts being the most common. Additionally, the study saw that the more a student was targeted, the more trauma symptoms they showed, despite demographic differences.
Emotional Pain Feels Like Physical Pain
Tessa Stuckey, MA, LPC, founder of Project LookUp, and author of For the Sake of Our Youth, who was not part of the study, tells SheKnows that no matter the severity of cyberbullying, it affects teens “because adolescence is a developmental period deeply rooted in peer acceptance and social belonging.”
She tells us, “When teens are excluded or rejected online, their brains process it similarly to physical pain. It attacks their self-worth, identity, and perceived social value — often in a public or permanent way due to the nature of digital platforms.”
Anamara Ritt-Olson, Ph.D., associate professor in the Department of Health, Society & Behavior at UC Irvine Joe C. Wen School of Population & Public Health, is not surprised by the results of this study either.
“Exclusion is exclusion. It feels isolating and painful whether that is online or in person,” Dr. Ritt-Olson tells SheKnows. “Exclusion and rejection strike at the heart of adolescent developmental needs — belonging, identity, and social validation.”
During early adolescence, teens begin to gain independence and develop strong ties with their friends, which means their friendships “take on a lot of meaning and power,” according to Dr. Ritt-Olson. “Being ignored or excluded from group chats, unfollowed, or left out of posts can feel like you are failing at this essential piece of life,” she explains.
“Friends are so very important suddenly and these relationships are also by their nature tenuous and changing,” she continues. “It is an unsettling time and seeing online people you thought were your friends leaving you out of things, having someone make a negative comment, or behave in a way that seems public, like everyone can see it, that the whole school knows, it is a lot for anyone to deal with let alone a teen just getting to know who they are.”
Trauma Response
In her practice, Stuckey has seen teens experiencing trauma responses of “hypervigilance, social withdrawal, emotional shutdown, or intense anxiety,” which she attributes to “ongoing or subtle digital harms.”
“While I wouldn’t always clinically label it as PTSD in these cases, the emotional impact is real and long-lasting,” she explains. “The silver lining is that these experiences often serve as an opportunity to build awareness and resilience. I work with teens and families to process the hurt, then shift into creating boundaries, safer tech habits, and stronger self-identity offline.”
Bullying Isn’t New, But Cyberbullying Is Increasing
Parents have been concerned about cyberbullying since the late ‘90s, when people could post mean-spirited notes about others on online forums. Of course, bullying itself goes back even further, but most kids could expect an escape from their tormentors outside school hours and in the safety of their homes. That’s not the case now, with teens turning to social media to spread hate, incite violence, and post revenge porn. It’s gotten so problematic that even celebrities like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are actively working to reduce it.
According to StopBullying.gov, a federal government website managed by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the most common places cyberbullying occurs are on social media, through text messaging or online chatting, via online forums, through email, and in online gaming communities.
Adrian Swancar/Unsplash
In a 2024 survey, 90% of teens in our SheKnows Teen Council members reported feeling stressed “often” or “sometimes,” with 41% saying that social media negatively affects their self-esteem. In an interview with New York City teens earlier this year, many said social media encouraged them to compare themselves to others.
“I think it has a huge effect, especially the comparison,” Ben, 16, told SheKnows. Kai, 15, agreed. “You start to compare yourself to other people,” he said. “It kind of ruins your own self-image … it makes you wanna be like other people, and you lose individuality.”
Don Grant, Ph.D., MA, MFA, DAC, SUDCC IV, national advisor of healthy device management at Newport Healthcare, tells SheKnows that he’s noticed cyber-aggression becoming “more prolific” in recent years. “Although many cyber-aggressive incidents/events are obvious, there are some very subtle yet still damaging types,” he tells us. “In fact, any cyber-aggression event can be devastatingly injurious, some even long-term.”
How to Tell if Your Teen Is Being Cyberbullied
“Don’t dismiss sudden changes in mood as just being a teen,” Dr. Ritt-Olson says. “If your teen seems angry or on edge or teary-eyed, it may not be just the hormone roller coaster of adolescence.”
She suggests asking, keep asking, and listening.
For teens who aren’t talking, parents can look for changes in behavior that might signal cyber bullying. Our experts recommended looking for these potential red flags in your teen:
- Avoiding their phone or checking it obsessively
- Increased irritability or emotional outbursts after being on their phone
- Avoiding social situations or school
- Withdrawing from friends they used to enjoy
- A sudden drop in grades
- Suddenly deleting accounts or changing passwords
- Trouble sleeping
- Unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches
“Trust your gut — if you think something could be wrong, you should check in and keep checking in,” adds Dr. Ritt-Olson.
Tips for Talking to Your Kids About Cyberbullying
“Start early with open, ongoing conversations about digital dynamics — before there’s a problem,” Stuckey suggests. “Normalize talking about group chats, social media pressure, and emotional responses to what they see online.”
Stuckey also recommends starting these conversations with curiosity. Say something like, “I’ve noticed you seem down after being on your phone lately. Is something going on online that’s bothering you?”
Stuckey says, “Let them talk, resist the urge to lecture or panic, and validate their emotions. Reassure them they won’t get in trouble for being honest. Then, work together to set boundaries, document harmful content if needed, and get support — whether that’s from a therapist, school counselor, or trusted adult.”
“Most importantly, remind them: This situation doesn’t define who they are. Their value is not up for debate on social media,” she adds.
It’s OK If It’s Hard
It’s important to remember that dealing with cyberbullying might not be easy. Teens are notorious for not wanting to talk to their parents about things that bother them. They also may be embarrassed or ashamed of what’s happening or what others are saying about them online.
“Start by finding a bit of quiet space — I am a big believer of windshield talks,” says Dr. Ritt-Olson. “Take a long drive, or a walk, or just find a corner away from the rest of the world where it feels safe and a bit cozy. Ask them that you want to just talk about something you have noticed, and you want to talk about all the ways you can support them.”
Some things you can say include: “I have noticed a shift in your mood, and you seem blue, how can I help you feel better?” And if they do open up about bullying, Dr. Ritt-Olson recommends thanking your teen for opening up to you and trusting you, and “focus first on their emotional well-being.”
From there, check at your teen’s school for resources to support their health amid cyberbullying. You can work on a plan together to address the cyberbullying, which may include documenting the incidents and/or reporting the behavior.
“Bullying in all its forms is destructive and healing starts with that first discussion,” she says, adding, “If your teen feels comfortable talking with you, be sure to express gratitude for being let into their world. Support them and let them know how important they are and listen more. Then work as a team to tackle this negative influence in their lives.”
Additional Tips for Ensuring Your Teens Safety Online
Dr. Grant offers the following tips to help your teens stay safe in a digital world:
- Discuss their ideas about how to “Stand Up & Stand In” if they observe any type of bullying. Openly and honestly talk together about the real fears, risks, and possible negative outcomes of standing up to it.
- Ensure that they know how to get help and guidance, should they be either a victim or observer of bullying of any type. Or even if they are the bully but want to stop.
- Keep the lines of communication honest, safe, and open. If you feel pushback, lovingly close the conversation and seek support from a trusted professional.
- Monitor your adolescent’s social media sites, apps, and browsing history, especially if you are concerned that cyber-aggression/cyberbullying may be occurring.
- Remain current on the latest apps, sites, trends, and digital slang.
- Know your younger child’s usernames and passwords for email and social media.
- Establish rules about appropriate digital behavior, content, and apps.
- Gently check in with them often. Listen, and more importantly, hear them.
- Don’t try to impose your ideas of “the right thing to do” on them. Remember how difficult it is to be a teen, living in that world, now forever changed by the internet and soon to include virtual ones as well.
- Know your child’s friends and their friends’ parents and caregivers.
- Encourage kids to do what they love but investigate new hobbies and opportunities.
- Support special activities, interests, and hobbies, which can boost confidence, help them connect with new friends, and protect them from bullying.
- Discuss your family values, how they feel about them, and encourage them to engage with others the same online as they would IRL.
- Champion them to “Be the change they want to see in their worlds” (on and offline, and even virtually) and lead by example!
Before you go, check out these celebrities who have shared their technology rules for their kids.